The Indian Sports Mascot Meets Noble Savage and Noble Savage Confronts Indian Mascot

B. L. James of the Boston Braves in a team uniform bearing the stitched patch of their mascot, 1915, courtesy of the Collections of the Library of Congress.

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The Indian Sports Mascot Meets Noble Savage and Noble Savage Confronts Indian Mascot

by Leanne Howe
Southern Cultures, Vol. 14, No. 4: First Peoples

"But here we are. You with a bow and arrow. Me in a headdress."

The Indian Sports Mascot Meets Noble Savage

Indian Mascot: I think of us always as a couple.

Noble Savage: Have we ever been together? Are we ever going to be?

Indian Mascot: But here we are. You with a bow and arrow. Me in a headdress.

Noble Savage: We’ve never been together.

Indian Mascot: Do you ever dream of us?

Noble Savage: No.

Indian Mascot: I do. And when I do, you look just like me.

Noble Savage Confronts Indian Mascot

Noble Savage: What are you doing in my closet?

Indian Mascot: Sugar, can I wear your loin cloth to the big game tonight?

Noble Savage: No, and don’t call me sugar.

Indian Mascot: C’mon. Besides, you’ve outgrown it.

Noble Savage: No I haven’t. Take off those feathers.

Indian Mascot: You said you liked my ostrich boa.

Noble Savage: Only that one time. I wish you’d forget it.

Indian Mascot: I will never forget it.

Noble Savage: I don’t feel the same about you.

Indian Mascot: Don’t pull that colonizer shit with me, baby. First you say you love me, then you say you don’t. I’m not your toy boy. Listen, I’m the better half of you six days of the week, and twice on Sunday. (He screams and goes a little crazy.) And don’t you forget it!

(Long Pause)

Noble Savage: (shrugs) Sorry.